


Yearning Heart

by GateOfTheSettingSun



Category: Red Dead Redemption (Video Games)
Genre: Arthur Morgan Deserves Happiness, Arthur Morgan Has Low Self-Esteem, Arthur has it bad for Charles, Bill is def homophobic, Charles is oblivious until I do something about this, Falling In Love, Hurt Arthur Morgan, Loneliness, Longing, M/M, Pining Arthur, Sad, Sadie knows, Yearning ramblings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-15
Updated: 2020-07-15
Packaged: 2021-03-05 00:26:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25285348
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GateOfTheSettingSun/pseuds/GateOfTheSettingSun
Summary: I wrote Arthur's feelings for Charles as some daily writing and I ended up making it longer than expected so I wanted to share it!Basically Arthur has it really bad for Charles but doesn't want to act on it because he thinks it would mess everything up (which it won't you stupid cowboy)-Arthur's secret feelings concerning Charles.
Relationships: Arthur Morgan/Charles Smith
Comments: 1
Kudos: 42





	Yearning Heart

Charles was a truly stunning man. There was something about his whole from that just fit together so perfectly. When Arthur tried to describe why he sounded like a fool. He was no poet and words weren't his strongest talent. To somehow try to explain why Charles' broad shoulders, long black hair and dark skin worked together so well always seemed to come out wrong. When he thought about Charles, which he did more than he liked to admit, everything just became a mess.

No one could ever know about Arthur's feelings of course. Never ever could Charles know either, him least of all. Charles deserved so much better than a broken man like Arthur. Even more so Arthur would never risk their friendship for his hopeless feelings. He found himself very tired of love. It never brought him anything good. He didn't deserve good love, he was aware of that, but did he really have to suffer the longing for the impossible? Was only fair he suffered but most of the time he wished that he could be all numb and not feel anything at all.

He tried to hide his feelings at all cost, of course, though he feared he did stare a little too long at Charles at times. He knew that. But no one had made any mentions of it yet. Some luck he was allowed it seemed. He did get some looks from Bill and Sadie that worried him. He calmed himself with the fact that Bill had to be too stupid to figure it out. If Charles himself hadn't noticed then Bill sure as hell didn't either, he was the last person Arthur should have to worry about. But still, he didn't like how Bill almost seemed to glare at him. Bill was an angry man so it was not unusual. But Arthur just didn't like it.

Sadie, he wasn't too worried about. She was clever enough to figure it out but he had a feeling that she wouldn't really care about it. After all, it was not like Arthur acted on his sinful feelings, and he never would, so she couldn't accuse him of anything. Sometimes when he stared too long she would snort at him so she most likely knew. He dreaded to think about what kind of dumb expression he had on his stupid face when he stared at Charles. Charles who was chopping wood and breathing heard, sweating but yet so relaxed and showing such incredible strength. In the sunlight he would look so beautiful, his eyes somehow distant as if he was lost in thoughts while working hard. Now Arthur had done it again, losing himself in sweet dreams. He was thankful Sadie didn't pry or try to talk to him about it.

If Arthur ever voiced his feelings he just knew the world would come crashing down. The only one he could think of that might approve of such feelings were Hosea. Hard for a father to see any faults in his stupid kid. He would more likely be worried about how Arthur would go through life. Two men loving each other was against the law and as a kid, Arthur remembered he had seen a couple of older men who had lived isolated in the woods together get lynched and killed by a number of cowboys who spat on the bodies and called them disgusting. Arthur himself had thought bad about such men with those urges and that way he had also repressed himself. His failed love adventures with women didn't make the whole situation much better. Now he understood that the two old men in the woods must have led the best of lives even with their cruel end. Such a peaceful life was out of reach for Arthur though. No need to worry Hosea with the fear of what might happen to Arthur if people found out about his preference. He would keep it all inside until the day he rolled up in a ball and died.

More kept him from telling Hosea even if he knew it would ease the burden a bit. There was a high risk that several gang members could be the ones who would have lynched those men too if they had the chance. Arthur would rather not get hanged by the people he saw as his family. A disturbing family. He didn't even feel safe enough with Dutch or John to tell them for he knew their reactions had too high a risk to turn sour rather than being understanding. The ladies were hard to be sure on but surely they followed the rightful traditional mindset of society when it came to what a romantic relationship looked like. Arthur had no doubts about Micah and Bill's reactions. Oh, they would be first to call for his hanging. He feared with a heavy heart that Javier might think the same. Kieran would be too scared to do anything if he disagreed with Arthur's feelings but if the masses too disagreed then Kieran could join them and stay safe behind them. Lenny and Sean? Same as the ladies Arthur thought. ANd again with Strauss, Pearsons, Swanson, and Uncle. At least Jack would not want Uncle Arthur to get hurt. josiah might be fine with it, he knew more of it, coming from the city and all.

Now Charles Arthur would have been just as sure with as with Hosea. He would be a safe person to turn to, he would only as Hosea be worried about Arthur's safety. The idea of Charles being worried about Arthur made his foolish heart beat harder. But there was one reason that stopped Arthur from feeling safe with telling Charles. These romantic feelings were not only directed at men but just one man and it was Charles himself. With those feelings directed at Charles himself, Arthur could not see Charles be as accepting. Maybe he would get disgusted and leave the gang. Then Arthur would be to blame for making the most capable man leave the gang. Maybe Charles would call for hanging with the others. Arthur knew deep inside that Charles would never do that but maybe he wouldn't do anything to stop it. Arthur felt sick at the thought, nothing could bring him more pain than that. No bullet, no knife. The pain would be greater than the happiness should Charles in some insane outcome actually return Arthur's feelings It was too risky.

He wouldn't know how to explain his feelings anyways. At least not in a romantic way so the chances of it going well only got lower and lower. But it was no use to whine about it. Arthur should think of himself as lucky that he could dream for himself about what could be and that way calm his yearning heart. But it worried himself because the dreams came easier and easier, his imagination only getting wilder and bolder. A moment of peace to think was spent dreaming. he was starting to forget the reality around him, or maybe he was rather trying to escape it with these dreams. They worked as breaks from all the trouble they were going through. He felt dirty for dreaming about Charles. To make up stories with Charles without the other even knew it was happening. Using Charles without the other's consent. But Arthur was already aware he was one son of a gun, he guessed he was just surprised how far his own filth went.

He could comfort himself with the fact that these stupid dreams didn't involve anything... sexual. Arthur could feel his whole face burn. Not that he wasn't tempted to think of such things but he was trying to control himself just a bit. Mostly his dreams were just the two of them alone. Out riding, hunting or at a campfire. It wasn't very different from how they would normally behave around one another. But it was just knowing, knowing that they were in love and cared for one another. That was what made all the difference in those dreams. Of course, there happened to sometimes be hand holding, long looks, smiles, and other loving gestures. He liked it when Charles chuckled, the deep humming sound coming from his wide chest. He could barely imagine how magical it would be when Charles fully laughed. So he liked to imagine him being able to come up with a good enough joke to make Charles do just that.

One little dream that sure gave him a lot of comfort when times got tough was Charles holding him. Didn't matter if they were laying or sitting. Just the idea of being held. To be able to relax, to be able to feel safe and protected for once. Oh, what comfort it wouldn't give him. How calm he wouldn't be. How loved he wouldn't feel. He would rather have that than so much else. Maybe it was because Charles was bigger than him and that Arthur felt he could be protected by him. Arthur was a big man himself, he often got the role of a protector. He didn't mind, he wanted himself to protect those around him. He just would like to get protected himself sometimes too. For he could get scared sometimes, even if people didn't believe it.

Micah would have a field day if he found out about Arthur and his stupid dreams. he didn't want Charles to get any more trouble from Micah than he already got. maybe Charles was perfectly able to shove Micah's face into the dirt but Arthur would hate himself even more if Charles was bothered even further because of Arthur's feelings and dreams concerning Charles. He'd be damned before he let that happened. Because then it would be his fault that Charles was getting bothered. His fault that Charles would be mocked and made a fool of. Because of Arthur. It hurt to think of.

Micah would of course not just be satisfied with mocking Arthur. No, he would go all-in on Charles for if he could make sure that the man of Arthur's dreams ended up mad at Arthur because he was to blame for all the mocking. Well, then Micah couldn't be happier. If he, of course, got to spread the gossip to everything possible too. Even outside the camp. The More he got turned against Arthur the better, he wouldn't stop until Arthur was all alone. It was a little comforting that Arthur knew he would at least always have Hosea by his side no matter what.

So his feelings had to, by all means, be kept secret. No matter how much his heart longed for his dreams to come true. He would never allow Charles to get hurt, not because of Arthur.


End file.
